musing on lives lived and died

depression was my mistress
always there to comfort me as i retired to my bed
reveling in my darkness
the loneliness never left but i was never alone

a lobotomy would have rendered these vibrant pictures i paint with the bleakest of colors a valued commodity
but since the flowers i sent for algernon never finished their journey
should my life end prematurely too?

tomorrow is a new day
sayeth she and he and they and the doctor
'well thats very clear' i politely reply
'but id rather die a violent and fiery death right now'

self-immolation had never been so trendy
i cry out between sobs
'do you love me yet'
the answer was a earsplitting silence

'one last kiss' i beg her as she puts on her clothes
'one last surge of inspiration'
she smiles at me and walks out the door
i look beside me and see the rest of my life measured out in sets of two pills-- a parting gift

oxymoron.

hey man i need a hit of this shit youre slinging
haha what you say
what say you
fuck im not shakespeare
will.i.am not a fucking wordsmith

everyone has their demons
and everyone has their vices
but why the fuck do i have to be an addiction-predisposed kid in a mid-life crisis
at the age of 20 shouldnt i be living the life of some freemans
cacophonous idyllic nightmare

ha and dont remember my name
or my face
because everyone is leaving me without a trace
and my only claim to fame
will be me hanging from a rope


haha thats morbid i know
and i know this is isnt that fucking amazingly constructed
but every once and again i gotta just do what the fuck he did
cuz i cant live up to my glorious older bro
IM NOT HIM SAY THAT YOURE PROUD I DO THE BEST I CAN DO

because otherwise ill be swinging from the end of a rope
by my hand or the government
like its the 1880s, i gotta learn to cope
and im calling in all your sins, repent
and learn to live in love

tell rock n roll im sorry that i cant save it

im just the man on the balcony
singing no one will ever remember me

fucking remember me i scream at the archangel michael as i tumble toward my death
i only want what i cant have i cry

dont ever help me you piece of shit complex nervous system
im anxious and nervous fucking punch me punch me

i enjoy companionship but i took it too far
im sorry that im repressed

one passion filled punch and im through