Profound Thoughts (Excerpts from Chats with Rian)

I think that... there's different types of love.

Like, there's the love I have for you and for Dan.

The love that keeps the coals in my heart burning. The love that I know will be there to make sure I'm caught when I fall. The love that no matter what, will always be there, no matter how many times I get drunk, or curse out, or make stupid mistakes.

And I think there is something like the love I felt with A. The one where I would look at a picture of her for periods at a time and smile, outwardly, and inwardly.

And when I had a chance to talk to her, I got shy and couldn't think of what to say, and I blushed.

And when she told me she never loved me, it tore me up, because I love her.

The type of love that is always going to be there, no matter how much I try to rid myself of it.

The type of love that is riddled with jealousy, like when she told me she was with someone less than a week after she told me she never loved me.

The type of love that hopes that relationship will crash and burn.

I don't know if that's love

1:13am

I think it was love

Now it's just resentment

I don't know

well, not complete resentment.

I just wish I could have been the one she loved and wanted to be with.