Growing Up and Letting Go

Harry Potter recently ended. I grew up with Harry. I laughed with Harry. I cried with Harry. I reveled in the defeat of his enemies with him. I dreamed of Hogwarts, a castle where, like Harry, I could escape the harsh reality of my home life, and have adventures all while knowing that there was a comfy bed and warm meal waiting for me when I got off the Hogwarts Express.

I cried. I'll admit I cried like a baby. Silently, of course, as there were attractive women and men that I knew near me. I am the same age as Harry was when he defeated the Dark Lord Voldemort, and I have not done nearly as much as he had by my age.


On a slightly unrelated subject, I have come to another end of an era in my life. Let me give you some back story.

I sat down in class and when I saw her for the first time, my heart swooned. Sitting there was exactly what I needed to get over this girl I loved for two and a half years. While I was reveling in her glory, I had no idea I had just stumbled upon a fantastic friend, someone I could confine my innermost secrets to, whether she wanted to hear them or not. I fell hard for her.

She once told me that she wished she could return my affections, that I would be the perfect man, but that she would be unable to be with me because being with me would not be a risk, and she had learned to settle.

When I first read that, I thought that it was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about me. I reread it a couple of times, and thought that it was slightly insulting.

I have a correction. I would NEVER be the perfect man. Seeing how happy you are when you are in his presence, the playful glances you two give, the pure joy you get from standing in the rain with him and with me tagging along as a third wheel, proves that I can never be what he is. He is the perfect man for you, and as I realized this while microwaving a sandwich with cheddar in the middle because I was too lazy to make a real grilled cheese, I felt complete and total serenity, knowing that you will have someone to love you and take care of you for the rest of your life.

Survey

Appearance
I have/had piercings besides the ears.
I want piercings besides the ears.
I have many scars.
I tan easily.
I wish my hair was a different color.
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
I have/want a tattoo.
I can be self-conscious about my appearance.
I have/had braces.
I have more than two piercings.
Embarrassment
Disney movies still make me cry.
I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
I’ve glued my hand to something.
I’ve laughed until some kind of beverage came out of my nose
I’ve had my pants rip in public.
I’ve touched something sharp/hot/etc to see if it would hurt.

Health
I’ve gotten stitches.
I’ve broken or dislocated a bone.
I’ve had my tonsils removed.
I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
I’ve had chicken pox.

Travel
I’ve been to Florida.
I’ve driven/ridden over 200 kilometers in one day.
I’ve been on a plane.
I’ve been to Colombia
I’ve been to Cuba.
I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
I’ve been to Ottawa
I’ve been to the Caribbean.
I’ve been to Europe

Experiences
I’ve gotten lost in my city.
I’ve seen a shooting star.
I’ve wished on a shooting star.
I’ve seen a meteor shower.
I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
I’ve slapped someone.
I’ve kissed someone underwater.
I’ve chugged something.
I’ve crashed a car.
I’ve been skiing.
I’ve been in a musical.
I’ve auditioned for something.
I’ve been on stage.
I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
I’ve sat on a rooftop at night.
I’ve pranked someone.
I’ve ridden in a taxi.

Honesty / Crime
I’ve been threatened to be arrested.
I’ve broken a law.
I’ve done something I promised someone I wouldn’t.
I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
I’ve sneaked out.
I’ve lied about my whereabouts.
I’ve cheated while playing a game.
I’ve been in a fist fight.

Death
I’m afraid of dying.
I hate funerals.
I’ve seen someone/something die.
Someone close to me has attempted/committed suicide.
I have attempted suicide.
I’ve thought about suicide before.
I’ve written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
I own over 5 rap CD’s.
I’m obsessed with anime/manga.
I collected comic books.
I own a lot of makeup.
I own something from Pac Sun.
I own something from The Gap.
I own something I got on E-Bay.
I own something from Abercrombie.
I thrive on compliments.
I thrive on hate.

Random
I can sing low key.
I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
I open up to others easily.
I watch the news occasionally or always.
I don’t like to kill bugs.
I sing in the shower.
I’m a morning person.
I’m a sports fanatic.
I twirl my hair.
I care about grammar.
I love spam.
I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day.
I bake well.
My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, blue, red, black, purple, or orange.
I would wear pajamas to school.
I like Martha Stewart.
I laugh at my own jokes.
I eat fast food weekly.
I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
I can’t sleep if there’s a spider in the room.
I’m really ticklish.
I like white chocolate.
I bite my nails.
I’m good at remembering names.
I’m good at remembering dates.
I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

People
..used to ask if I was anorexic/bulimic.
..called me fat.
..say I’m skinny.
..have said I’m ugly.
..have said I’m pretty.
..have spread rumors about me.
..force me to eat.
..say I eat too much.
..say I eat too little.

Eating
I’ve lost weight.
I’ve gained weight.
I’m at my thinnest.
I’m at my biggest.
I’ve lost weight and kept it off.
I’ve lost weight, but gained it back.
My weight affects my mood. A lot.
I diet.
I’m vegan/vegetarian.
I exercise.
I’ve fainted from exhaustion.

Family
I’ve sworn at my parents.
I’ve planned to run away from home before.
I’ve run away from home.
My biological parents are together.
I have a sibling less than one year old.
I want kids.
I’ve had kids.
I’ve lost a child.
Relationships
I’m engaged.
I’m married.
I’m a swinger.
I’ve gone on a blind date.
I have/had a friend with benefits.
I miss someone right now.
I have a fear of abandonment.
I’ve gotten divorced.
I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
Someone has/had feelings for me when I didn’t have them back.
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
I’m a cuddler.
I’ve been kissed in the rain.
I’ve hugged a stranger.
I’ve kissed a stranger.

Bad times
I regularly drink.
I can’t swallow pills
I can swallow numerous pills at a time without difficulty.
I’ve been diagnosed with depression at some point.
I have/had anxiety problems.
I shut others out when I’m upset.
I don’t have anyone to talk to when I’m upset.
I have taken/take anti-depressants.
I’ve slept an entire day before.
I’ve plotted revenge.

When the Fool becomes a King

The injuries I've sustained
The friends I've found out were feigned
The words I wish I restrained
The experience of life that I've gained

The truth comes out only once in a while
You have to know who is spreading revile

The total bliss
When you're exploring the infinite abyss
You no longer feel numb
When you live without the rule of thumb

When the crown is placed upon your head
The heart that once laid still, dead
Becomes alive
With the knowledge that you can succeed and thrive

We took a drive today
We got lost
We laughed
Sitting there
Taking the scenic route
Listening to the melodious sounds of your car stereo

Random Thoughts

So I am eating about 800-1000 less calories a day than I did a week ago. First step on a path to happiness. Hopefully.