Friday, September 28, 2012

This semester is full of tears not spilled

Alone alone is how I’ll always be
No one to care for me or tell me I matter
One should always see
How much they mean to someone else, and to not get any sadder

But I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine
Unfailing like the erosion of the rock by the ocean wave
Forever and ever, over and over (No giving up, this is a sign)
Even though rejection is frightening, I’ll be brave

Put myself out there again and again
Shout my love from the crag
Swim from one end of the River Seine
All over the world until I reach the other end (Listen to my heart, I beg)

Rid myself of all impurities
Build up resistance to these infections and aches and pains
Train myself to dismiss offers of infidelities
As I sit upon my throne of skulls and lies, I watch the world burn while I turn more insane

Hold me closer because I cry inside
I pick at my skin and my hair because all I see when I look in the mirror is imperfections
I drink and make a fool of myself because no one here really gets me and everyday my past self has died
All I can think of is all of the well-intentioned misdirections

I miss last year even though every day I wanted to get out
This year so far, I’m a lot less neurotic and have far fewer irrational fears
I can go out at night and in the city without thinking of being shot, nor are my tear ducts waterspouts
And the drumming grows louder, no longer softened by the once never-ending tears

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Facts of Life (Austin)

Austin you left the world way too soon
The tears that stained my face and wet my pillow that night was a monsoon
Of emotions of the kid I never really knew
For three years I talked to you

And you loved Halo and Pokemon
And the color green
And a guest you always were
Never wanting to be blue

Because blue isn’t happy
Blue is sad and the chilly air bites
And nips at my arms
And I think of you in the ground some 3000 miles away

And I get chills
Goosebumps form and my arm hair stands on end
Because a happy boy to me
Might be unhappy to himself

And I wish I could have fixed that
And I know it’s not my fault
But I want to help you always
So this year I’ll walk

Walk out of the darkness
Walk out of the hurt
Walk out of the shadows
Walk out of the cold

Walk into the brightness
Walk into loving arms
Walk into the light
Walk into the warmth

Because no one deserves to die at age 17
Not you or me
Not the boy across the street
Not the boy in Uganda
Not the boy in Ukraine
Not the girl in Venezuela
Not the girl in Uzbekistan

Because life is so precious
You have to hold onto what you have
Because otherwise it’s just a waste
Of the gift God has granted to us

So go out and change the world
Go out and make a mistake
Go out and be a fool in love
Because you have the rest of your life to be right

And as chills consume my body
And my soul is growing weary
I think of my best friends hugging
And I feel warm once more

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Physical Abuse of A Drum Most Likely Leads to A Conviction

Some people are so open that they have a hole in their chest where their heart is visible
and if you stick your hand in that hole and try to touch it
you'd touch the biggest lie you've ever felt
because they try to love everyone with all of their heart
but they get overextended and crash
but keep the appearance there
because when they lose the physical closeness
the proximity in location
they feel as if they've been left
behind in the dust
just another photograph to fade in the sunlight
and eventually disappear and crumble into dust
and because they aren't there, they love less
and don't know how to function
because they were only accepted by the others
and now that they're in a new place
who knows who will accept them
because it's certainly not themselves.