Abandoned Freestyle

once upon a time not too long ago

A kid troubled by his soul

cast a great long shadow 

because happiness was the one thing that he could not find

No matter what, the daily grind

went on and he could not deal

because time stops for no soul

no matter how tormented

and the shit that he had to go through from both his friends and his foes

The constant fear of losing someone that was close

Or that he was annoying the shit out of that one girl he loved

and used to like but wasn't so sure

and he bought her shit like every fucking time

he could but she had no idea that he did this

and thought he wasn't spending all his money on her

and he wasn't

he had a pocketful of change

But that pocketful of change couldn't apply to him

and he was always sad and alone

He thought he felt a buzz

but when he glanced at his phone

That goddamn vibration spectre played a trick

And he fell deeper into the mindset of the sick

Year of Gratitude

I'm thankful for a lot this Thanksgiving.

• My other two-thirds, Dan and Rian.
• Friends away at college and other places. Katie, Rachel, Zach, Harley, Hannah, Chuckie, Caroline, Liza, and too many other to list.
• My roommate who has put up with me.
• God.
• My parents and my family- both nuclear and extended.
• My friends at Marshall.
• My fraternity for accepting me and being my friends.
• Peterkin.
• Rikke for always being there for me.
• Beatriz for being awesome.
• Doctor Who for giving me something to look forward to.
• Poetry for giving me a way to express myself.
• Eddie for being my best friend and always being there to slap me in the face and tell me that I need to buck up.
• Music for enriching my life.
• College for letting me further my education.
• Tom for always being there for me, and for introducing me to new music.
• Amy for teaching me what it is that I truly want in life, and for helping me find out that I need to straighten myself out before I try to find love.
• Alison for being my Sam.
• Stephen Chbosky for writing one hell of a book that has saved my life.
• Everyone else who has made me who I am today.

I am not thinking straight so this won't be a giant sappy post, just mainly a list. However, you can't escape this: I love everyone who reads this. I love everyone who loves me. I love everyone who has been supportive of me. I wouldn't be here today without the people I mentioned, and they are fantastic. Thank you everyone. I love you all.

Softly Fading With The Light Of Day Breaking Through The Shades And Landing On Your Skin

What's the point to this madness?
This blissful monstrosity we go through?
As I leap through the hoops set for me,
I stumble at night when I'm all alone.

Please God
Let someone be there for me
Just this once
Just this once

I want to be wanted
I want to be reminded of it
I want you to send someone
I want to be happy

Because I'm a selfish person
And a sinner
And a thief
And a monstrosity

So please make me a blissful one

Nothingness.

This sinking feeling in my stomach
Like in a pool being drained
Being pushed downwards, shit out of luck
Wondering if this happiness is real or feigned

Stuck at the bottom
Acting solid, but totally hollow
I don't know why I once sought 'em
Girls just go in and out of 'relationships', the douchebags and abusers they follow

Should I drink away my pain?
Should I avoid everyone I know and be on my own?
Should I stop taking my medicine and show everyone that I'm actually insane?
Because 40 dollar copays make up this tattered facade that has been stitched and sewn

The One Time I Am Right About A Relationship It's Been Said All Along

I realized we would never work was after us fighting and me feeling like I want to die. All I want in life is to be happy and loved. I need to find someone who can make me happy and loved. I do think God brought us into each others life, but not for a romantic reason. He brought us together to learn from each other and from our experiences. This long distance thing would never have worked and I should have realized that earlier. I just wanted to hold onto the belief that you were the one for me.