CPR

A year ago, I was head over heels in love with a girl that I had loved since the first day I set eyes on her. I was captured by her beauty, by her radiance, by her laugh. I was entranced. I was captivated. But she is no more. I have no feelings for her. I no longer need her approval. I no longer need her to laugh at my jokes, to respond to my messages, to say hi to me. I have let go of what I could not get, and my life is better. I realize without her, I have grown immensely. I have realized I don't need her to have any sense of fulfillment. I don't have to almost throw up at homecoming because I see her dancing with someone else. I have won the fight. I have grown leaps and bounds. I have seized the day. I do not long for her. I have resuscitated myself.

First Day

First period was alright. I have Foods 1, I have some friends in there, but the teacher treats us like fucking children and it's kinda annoying.

Second period. I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR. It's history, WHICH I FUCKING LOVE, Mr. Klein, WHO IS A FUCKING BOSS, Rian Plummer, whom I love to death, and also FUCKING HISTORY AWW YEA.

Third period. Fucking two bitchdickassbuttasspoops. Hate them. Otherwise, the class is all of my friends from the past 12 years (except for a few). Mrs. Woods is hilarious, and I can tell I'm going to learn a lot.

Fourth period. I HATE FRESHMAN. TOO MANY FRESHMAN. 33 KIDS IN A ROOM THAT SEATS 27 IS NOT OKAY. GO BACK TO MIDDLE SCHOOL.

Fifth period. Ceramics with Will, Kelci and some chill bros. Also Alie<3. Gonna be boss.

Sixth period. OH MY GOD SO I LOVE MISS BEBOUT (BEEBZ), EDDIE, JIMJAM, AND PEOPLE IN THERE. GONNA BE A GOOD CLASS.


I cannot wait for this year to get rolling.

I'm a senior starting tomorrow. I turn 18 in 33 days. I will start blogging more because school makes me depressed, and being depressed gives me things to write about.

If you and I are both here at the end of the year, I'll take you out for ice cream.

Keith

Father Keith, the first time I met you, you amazed me. The way that you sang in chapel, it seemed like you tried to outdo the 30+ campers and staff. You always had a cheerful attitude, and when you didn't like something, you said it in the nicest way possible. Your stories about traveling the world, and cross-dressing in the Berlin Opera were fascinating and hilarious. You had the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known, and I miss you dearly. It's been one year to this day since I cried myself to sleep over your death. I miss you everyday and you were sorely missed at Peterkin this year. I can't wait to see you in heaven and to hear your glorious voice once again.

R.I.P. Keith

Flowers

Friendships are a strange thing
They are much like flowers in that you plant the seeds, weed out the bad ones, and when they are fully grown, you can enjoy them, their beauty, and their fragrance.

I got a flower for completing a week of volunteer Church Camp counselor work, and it meant so much to me, but once I got home, I tossed it, along with my duffel bag, in my kitchen. My dad put it outside after a few days, and it still rests there.

I needed to clear my head and I felt a cool breeze coming in through the dining room window, so I stepped outside for a moment. I noticed the flower on the patio table. I sat down, and twirled the stem in my hands. Some of the branches were brown and fading, and the flowers smelled sickly sweet. I moved up to the middle of the branch, where there were still some yellow flowers left. I moved the petals between my fingertips. These petals were somewhat sturdy, but lacked the beauty of the flower when I got it. There was no smell to it, none at all. No variety, no luster, nothing.

I moved up to the top flower, which, while fading, was a lesser shade of the brilliant yellow when I got it. The stem was green, yet I couldn't smell a thing. It was as if the flower was just for looks, and not for any real purpose. This saddened me deeply, and I gently put the flower back on the table.

I stretched and yawned as a cool breeze rolled across my stomach. It was past my bedtime, but I didn't care. I was probably going to have another one of my abandonment nightmares tonight, and I wanted to stave that off for as long as possible. My mind wandered back to the flower, and I realized something.

Friendships are like flowers. You have a whole bunch at first and they all smell sweet and look beautiful, but as time goes on, they fade and crumble, or turn sickly sweet. Some have no meaning whatsoever, and some just disappoint. Friendships are all like that too.

All friendships, no matter how strong at their peak, will crumble and turn sickly sweet.

I screw up every friendship I have, sooner or later.

Affection

Seeing one kiss another
Can send a million different emotions through your soul
When it happens, there are a million reactions you can feel
Jealousy, lust, hate, rage

Seeing one kiss another
Can send you spinning through your consciousness
Time seems to pause
You can feel happy, you can feel proud, you can feel at ease, you can feel calm

Seeing one that you love kiss another
Can usually turn out for the worst
However, it can turn out for the best
Knowing that someone is taking care of the thing you cherish most

Michelle's Prayer

God the Father, God the Son, God the Spirit, three in one
Lead us to your kingdom ever
Love us all
Deceive us never
Take us all to your heavenly throne
Keep us good your souls you own
Keep us way from all temptations
Take us not on the road of damnation


Help us keep united and free
Take us lord to dwell with thee

Love you lord
Hate all evil
Keep us all way from the devil
Goodness is our heart’s only home
Teach them to stay there not to roam
When our hearts begin to stray
Bring them back to thy holy way

Lord our god,
Lord our father,
Teach us all to love each other

God the Father, God the Son, God the Spirit, three in one
Teach us all to love, amen.

--Michelle Tomasky