half-baked and completely raw

there's a bottle of melatonin sitting in my kitchen
four steps away there's a half-finished bottle of wine
and im afraid to take the pills because i might sleep through class
and if i mix it i'll sleep through life

there's a bottle of diet pills sitting in my car door
four inches away there's a pedal that could lead to my death
and im afraid to take the pills because i have to drink 12 cups of water or else i'll wither away
and if i do im still shrinking

at my parents' house there's a basket of pill bottles on the top of the fridge
aborted remedies that never actually worked because i still feel like this
and my dad asks if i need some to get through the day
and i decide not to tell him about the time i tried to take them all to cure myself once and for all

in my phone there's an app where all i do is swipe right
and hope to god that someone wants me back
because somedays i feel like a god
and the rest i wish i had the guts to put rocks in my pockets and go for a swim

im one day away from being a martyr
im one mistake away from being a coward
im one memory away from being a prisoner
im one heart away from being loved