I just want it to be last year when I was always with my friends and seeing people because no matter how much last year hurt, this year is so much worse.
Because now I try to stay away from the Bright Eyes. Because eyes that are bright hide a world of hurt. And that hurt can extend to me. And I think that the band reminds me of last year too much. The car rides and her singing along to the words I didn't know, but I felt. The back roads from his house to mine. The thank you and the good bye. The holding it together as you pull out of the driveway. The losing it as I walk inside because I can see you hurting still. And I hurt too. And your once shining eyes are now a murky pool. And things got better, but at that point I didn't know.
And I don't know why I'm writing this now. At 2:11 in the morning almost a year since. I wanted to vent about her but ended up missing them more. Love always defeats hurt, even if both are stinging slaps to the face.
And lord, if I die before I wake, I pray that you let me finally be at peace.