Monday, March 11, 2013

some times it's just best to (live and let) die

They told me college would be the best four years of your life
I've got three more to go
And I'm supposed to take two different types of medication
So the happy me will the the only one left

I sleep next to a bottle of serotonin to wash down the taste of ritalin in the morning
because water just doesn't do it for me anymore
and sometimes i lie in bed trying to count all of the times i've woken up wishing i were dead
and sometimes i wish i had a blade so i could tally them up

and sometimes i wish i could cry without fear of being judged
because college males are supposed to have the shoulders to cry onto
but mine are soft and often get sweaty
because the thought of what i've done makes me paranoid of being found out

and i wake up with my sheets on the floor because i turned the heat up one too many times
i toss and i turn and i sweat and i cry out
because this is a new type of sadness
and i can't figure it out

"we'll keep in touch"
soon turns into
"hey can you help me out"
and another friend beings to use me

and i hate that they don't realize what they are doing
you're objectifying me
something i once deplored
but as of late i have accepted

i was told that people wish they could love as much as me
i was told it was my best quality
i was told that i would never lose it
i can't fall in love anymore

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