A: My friends call me Tim or Timmy, but most adults know me by "dat hot piece of ass".
2. Student Email
3. Have you attended any other high schools? If yes, where and for which grades?
A: Grades 9-11 Alcatraz Juvenile Detention Center
4. With whom do you live? (For example, both parents? father and stepmother? mother only-father deceased? or another arrangement. Please describe.)
A: Both of my parents are deceased. They were murdered by a man when I was a baby. I have a scar because he tried to murder me, but my mother sacrificed herself and somehow her love saved me and weakened him.
5. Which major or majors are you most interested in?
6. What is the one thing you most want a college admission office to know about you?
A: Every month, during a full moon, I transform into a werewolf. You should probably lock me up or give me a Wolfsbane potion.
7. What events, circumstances or experiences have had a major impact on your way of thinking either positively or negatively? (For example, moving, cultural differences, accident, family circumstances, death, special opportunities, etc.)
A: Well, I am white, but my adoptive parents are Antarctican, which makes for some awkward conversations with my adoptive grandparents at Thanksgiving, but their incessant squawking and somewhat racist comments have made me a stronger person.
8. Describe 3 of your positive qualities. Please give examples of how you demonstrate them.
A: I am very sassy. For an example, read my answers. I am also single and ready to mingle, and able to enjoy a nice pair of slacks no matter the occasion (the last two are self-explanatory).
9. What are your most noticeable shortcomings?
A: Some say I love too much.
10. What factors are most important to you when choosing a college?
A: How hot the girls are, how crazy the parties get, and if there are any girls that are into fat guys.
11. In 2-3 sentences, how would you best describe yourself to a stranger?
A: (Okay Franz, play this one cool, you have this stranger hanging onto your each and every word) Hi I love you. (Dammit.)
12: What do you like to do for fun? (Hobbies, other special interests, etc.)
A: Beat up orphans and take their pocket change, help the elderly cross the street, and start riots.
13. Please list the community service you have done since 9th grade (the place, the number of hours (your best guess) and the name of the person overseeing your service):
14. 9th Grade: Give a detailed description of your involvement in activities both in and out of school during 9th grade. (For example, religious groups, social service groups, scouting, clubs, sports, dance, etc.)
A: I was in juvie, but I stabbed a guy with a shiv.
15. 10th Grade: Give a detailed description of your involvement in activities both in and out of school during 10th grade. (For example, religious groups, social service groups, scouting, clubs, sports, dance, etc.)
A: I pulled myself together and started to work out everyday, but soon enough, I realized heavy breathing isn't exercise.
16. 11th Grade: Give a detailed description of your involvement in activities both in and out of school during 11th grade. (For example, religious groups, social service groups, scouting, clubs, sports, dance, etc.)
A: I joined a prison gang/cult and gave away all of my earthly possessions to the leader. I ultimately found out that the gang was actually running drugs across the Portugal-Spain border at night, and I was released early cuz I squealed.
17: 12th Grade: What do you plan on being involved with senior year?
A: Hopefully women.
18. What did you do this past summer?
A: I starred in an autobiographical movie. It was very popular and is number one in terms of money earned for box-office debuts.
19. What honors, awards or recognition have you received in high school? Of which are you most proud?
A: I uncovered a drug run, and killed the Dark Lord. What more do you want?
20. Please give an example of a failure, disappointment or criticism and how you reacted to it.
A: I'm currently coping with the last 17 years and 11 months, I need more time to evaluate my reaction.
21. What is an academic experience you had that was very important or meaningful to you?
A: I once saved a cable car of children and my redheaded girlfriend at the same time. I had to execute the timing perfectly, or else both would die. I guess that's a real world application.
22. What type of student are you? In what academic setting do you do well?
A: An attractive one. I do well in an academic setting where I can sing "I'll make a Man Out of You" as loudly as possibly.
23. How would one of your friends describe you? Tell us why. (Go ahead and ask them)
A: I don't have any friends
24. Is your academic record an accurate reflection of your ability or is there anything on your transcript that needs to be explained?
A: Unless it doesn't say I undercovered a drug run, then no.
25. List any colleges your family members have attended, and who attended each one:
A: My entire family has attended CCA (Community College of Antarctica)
26. What are some potential career options you have considered?
A: Male model, steam train, King Henry VIII, King of Space.
27. List any jobs you have held, the length of time you worked each, and a brief description of your work
A: Emperor of Spain (1798-Present)
28. Do you want to participate in a Division I, II, or III sport in college? If yes, Which one(s)?
A: I want to participate in Division I Quidditch and Tiddlywinks.