Monday, January 2, 2012


Have you ever felt so much platonic affection for someone that you can't help telling them how much you adore them almost every time you talk, and hope they don't get creeped out?

I love almost everyone. I don't know if it's some deeply rooted psychological thing where I feel I need to be constantly surrounded by friendly people, but I like most people immediately. I used to be really awkward in school in 8th, 9th, and 10th grades. I had just come back to QV in 8th grade after being in cyber school for the latter half of 7th grade, and I was put into classes with, for the most part, people I hadn't been in school with since 5th grade, or ever. I usually kept to myself in math class, where I was surrounded by popular, intelligent people, and I felt like a complete dunce. I didn't talk for most of the year, but then adopted a mentality that if I was crude and demeaning, people would like me. For the most part, I stayed out of their way, and they out of mine. That summer, I was scared to death of high school. I was told that people wouldn't take kindly to me whatsoever and that I shouldn't be myself and not talk. I spent the first half of that year holding myself in. It was hell. I couldn't tell jokes, I took abuse from assholes, I lived in fear that people would ridicule me if they found out that I liked Pokemon and still watched cartoons, for the most part I was worked up to an extreme degree one little lie that was told to me.

The dam burst during Christmas break. I couldn't handle it anymore. I became suicidal and was went to a partial behavior rehabilitation program for 3 weeks. I felt better and went back to school. I was now even more reclusive, as I was taken out of two classes because I had missed so much school. I spent those two periods in the nurse's office everyday, mostly keeping to myself. I did speak my mind every once in a while now, but it still wasn't the greatest.

10th grade was a different experience. I had to repeat the two classes I was taken out of, and those were for the most part, awful. I loved my English class, and I still do to this day. I was more social this year, but I was still reclusive. I met a lot of friends this year, but that still didn't stop me from starting to drink, which didn't even make me feel better. I have no idea why I drank because I was sadder after I was done than when I had started. This year ended with me getting a D in 3 out of my 5 classes. It was not a great year.

11th grade is the year of redemption. I was outspoken, loved the majority of my classes, and I met my best friend. It was a wonderful year, especially after I discovered the magic of writing. I could take my feelings out of my mind and store them on a piece of paper. It felt fantastic to be able to deal with my problems in a way other than drinking or crying. I found out this year that people do like me and love me, which I still am reminded of almost everyday.

When I tell you I love you, I don't mean to be creepy or odd or weird. I mean it in the nicest and most honest way possible. I believe everyone deserves to be loved, and that they should know people love them. It's a great feeling and can make any cloudy sky turn blue in an instant.

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